


the sea

by Amikotsu



Series: Akatsuki Gift Exchange 2019 [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Chronic Illness, Decisions, Feelings, Friends to Lovers, Loneliness, Loyalty, M/M, Plans For The Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21869269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amikotsu/pseuds/Amikotsu
Summary: There is no cure. Accepting his fate, Itachi acknowledges that there is something between them, that maybe there had always been something between them. It's a friendship by day, but so much more at night.
Relationships: Hoshigaki Kisame/Uchiha Itachi
Series: Akatsuki Gift Exchange 2019 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575520
Comments: 5
Kudos: 84
Collections: Akatsuki Gift Exchange





	the sea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Misfit_McCoward](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misfit_McCoward/gifts).



> This is for the Akatsuki Gift Exchange on tumblr, more specifically for exemplarybehaviour!

He stood on pale white sand and watched the way the moonlight reflected off the dark waters of the south sea. The sound of the sea soothed him; for the first time in years, he felt like he could breathe again. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen the sea, but he told himself he’d remember the way the air smelled, the way the cool water crept along the sand to cover his bare feet. What were memories to the dead? What were sights and scents in the afterlife? He’d built a whole world there, made a home for himself amongst the white sand, lost somewhere between the rocks and the waves. He ran away again. He’d spent his whole life running away. No one pursued him in the way that the memories of that night pursued him, and soon they would swallow him. He had every intention of ending the chase. He meant for the consequences of his actions to catch him. His hands were filthy, still stained red with the blood of his parents. And Sasuke. Not even the waves could cleanse him. He had days left, only days, and he wanted to spend every single one at the shoreline, eyes focused on the horizon, on something just beyond that point. He wanted the waves to swallow him before the memories did; he wanted the water in the way that his failing lungs wanted the air.

“There’s been a change of plans.”

“In addition to this change of plans?”

Kisame left his place by the fire to stand next to Itachi. He looked out at the sea for a moment, but the waves didn’t hold his attention; his focus shifted to Itachi again, as if he could find some hint at their plans on the man’s face. Kisame knew very little about the man, despite the years they’d spent with one another, neither of them forthcoming with anything deemed too personal. He hadn’t known about Sasuke until the runt showed up in some ridiculous attempt to kill Itachi. It was personal, too personal, and he’d filed that information, because he’d always dealt in information. Kisame thought that the moment would lead to other moments, but Itachi remained silent, steadfast in separating his present and future from his past. Maybe they were both running. And wasn’t that an admission. Kisame let his eyes stray from Itachi’s face. Things hadn’t been good for them for months. They’d lost members, and everyone seemed especially tight-lipped. Sometimes, he had to remind himself why he stayed. He wanted a better world. How vague. How childish. 

“Why are we really here, Itachi?” 

“I’m dying.”

Itachi opened his eyes, sharingan coming to life, though he didn’t turn to watch the feral grin fall away. Kisame had a moment to collect himself, to try and think of something meaningful to say, but Itachi had always been better with words. Sometimes, he thought Itachi might have made a better poet or philosopher, but then he also questioned where he’d belong in a world without Itachi as his partner. They worked well together. He could say that it was easy, almost effortless. Itachi was dying. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Kisame rubbed at his face with his hands, allowing himself more time to process the words. Itachi didn’t rush him, so he took his time. He went through all of their mornings and evenings, looking for clues to go along with the sudden admission. Itachi had seemed fine. So what had Kisame missed? What could he have done? Nothing. 

“You’ve been visiting doctors,” Kisame said, piecing together a map of where they’d traveled over the duration of their last few months. Itachi had always been one to lead, and Kisame had always been more than happy to follow. He knew his shortcomings. He waited for a verbal response, but Itachi nodded. “Do the others know?”

“No,” Itachi admitted. Kisame wanted to ask something, but Itachi motioned for him to wait, to swallow the words, to sit on the question. Kisame narrowed his eyes, but he closed his mouth. “I don’t have much time left, and I have some things I need to settle. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” Itachi reached out and touched Kisame’s shoulder, though they both preferred to avoid physical contact. Kisame reached up and caught Itachi’s wrist, stopping him from walking away, holding him to that one spot. “I don’t expect you to say something heartfelt or meaningful. We all die,” Itachi spoke, lips quirked for a partial smile. Smiles were so rare for him.

“You’re right,” Kisame agreed, though he didn’t release his hold on Itachi’s wrist. He wanted to apologize, because of societal norms, but he knew Itachi would reject the words. It wasn’t his fault. There was nothing he could have done. And yet he felt as if he’d failed Itachi. “We can stay here,” Kisame settled on, the words meant to soothe the man. “You like it here.”

“I do like it here,” Itachi said, seeming wistful. Kisame released the hold on his wrist, but he stayed at the man’s side. Together, they watched the waves at play. The beach was nice, secluded, and Itachi could already imagine the place at sunset. “We’ll come back,” Itachi lied, nodding to himself. Both of them recognized the lie; both of them refused to focus on the truth. When Itachi returned to the fire, Kisame stayed near the water’s edge and contemplated the future. 

Hours later, sitting at the smoking remains of their fire, Kisame still struggled to find some way to right the world’s wrong. He thought about different villages and different doctors; he thought about Orochimaru’s pet, Kabuto. A solution to their problem existed, even if neither of them had found it yet. He asked himself why Itachi’s death meant something, as if he’d never considered the possibility that they were more than partners. Legs stretched out before him, Kisame fell back into the sand. He folded one arm behind his head and stared up at the clear night sky. Across from him, Itachi remained seated, eating a ration bar from the supplies they’d picked up at their last stop. Itachi quietly accepted his demise. Kisame wondered if he would accept his own death so easily. Sighing, Kisame rolled onto his left side and openly stared at Itachi. Itachi stopped chewing for a moment, then continued chewing again. 

“We could find another doctor,” Kisame suggested, watching the way Itachi’s shoulders fell. Kisame quickly reconsidered his words. “We could always hunt down Orochimaru’s rat, Kabuto. I’ve always wanted to hurt that guy,” Kisame thought aloud. Itachi snorted, the reaction so unlike him that Kisame gaped at him. “Did you just snort?”

“There is no other doctor. I’ve had this illness since childhood. There’s no cure, and it’s progressed so far that treatment is virtually useless,” Itachi frowned, speaking only between bites. Kisame watched the ration bar disappear, noting that Itachi hadn’t eaten well in weeks. And maybe that added to the man’s problems. Exercise and a healthy diet couldn’t cure everything, despite what some doctors wanted their patients to believe -- Kisame knew that. “I need to see Sasuke again.”

“So you do still care about him,” Kisame laughed, as if the very idea was a joke. Itachi didn’t seem offended at all. Kisame thought of the first time he’d seen Sasuke, and he still couldn’t see any hesitation in Itachi’s actions. Itachi had the world fooled, or so it seemed. “How long do you have left?”

“I’ve had a month,” Itachi admitted, some hesitation buried in the words. Kisame should have known, so he just smiled and shook his head. “Enough time to find him and settle my affairs,” Itachi said, once again almost dismissive of his own death. The formal words struck Kisame as wrong, so he sat up and frowned at the man. Itachi chose to turn away, busying himself with another ration bar, even though they tasted like cardboard, even though he had no appetite. 

“You’re not as dark as you want people to believe,” Kisame said, the words a last-minute decision. Itachi managed a small hum, the only response Kisame received. “So where does that leave me,” he wondered aloud. He looked out at the sea again, as if the waves would whisper the answer to him. 

Kisame wasn't a handsome man, had never been a handsome man, but Itachi admired the way the moonlight and shadows played across his face, accenting his jawline. He was bloodthirsty, even at the best of times, but he was efficient and capable. Itachi didn't need to look after Kisame -- Kisame could look after himself -- but he wondered the same thing. What would Kisame do without him? Itachi could have asked himself what Sasuke would do without him, but that answer took the remains of his heart and twisted. He tossed the remaining few bites of his ration bar at the remains of their fire. Thinking about Kisame was easier, something to keep him grounded when his mind wanted to drift. What would Kisame do without him? Itachi didn't know. Kisame didn't look like he expected an answer, but Itachi felt the need to say something. They were the same then, both swimming in uncertainty, drowning in the unknown. His own stubbornness had contributed to his survival. He'd always known that his death would end the largest chapter of Sasuke's life, but he'd never considered Kisame.

"Are you going to stay with the organization?"

"I'm not sure."

"I thought you wanted a world without lies, deceits, betrayals," Itachi said, a partial frown on his face. Kisame looked over at him, but he did nothing to hide the expression. He let himself go. He had days left and nothing to hide, not anymore, not with Kisame. Maybe they should have been honest from the very start. "The Akatsuki seeks to create a world without war, one without its associated loss and hardships. That world does not exist, cannot exist, so where will that leave you? Life is short, Kisame," Itachi continued, "so I think you should seek your own peace and chase your own happiness, rather than relying on the Moon's Eye plan."

"Ah, but it sounds so easy," Kisame replied, grinning at him. Itachi reached up to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind his right ear, barely resisting the urge to rub his temple. He forgot that Kisame hid behind dark humor and bravado. "And if I say that I've been happy?" The smile was gone, overshadowed by a searching gaze. "You seem to know everything. What should I do if I've found someone who makes me happy?"

"Isn't this the part where you threaten to cut off my legs to prevent me from running away?"

"You'd bleed out."

"You have to know this won't last. You can't fix me," Itachi finally spoke, the words coming after a long pause. 

For some reason, Itachi thought of Shisui, how Shisui had been the one to encourage him, to keep him steady and sane. Kisame had been the constant he'd desperately needed. The thought struck him then that he didn't want to die. For years, he'd considered himself unworthy of anything more than basic survival. He'd blamed Danzo. He'd blamed the Hokage. He blamed everyone and everything just to hate on someone, or something, bigger than himself. Akatsuki had taken him in. The organization offered him shelter, and he fed bits and pieces of information back to Konoha, still as loyal as he'd been in his youth. When it became clear that Kisame didn't know what to say to the words, Itachi took a deep breath and decided to taste a little more freedom, to bask in a moment he'd never thought possible. He owed Sasuke an explanation; Kisame deserved an explanation.

"I'm a spy."

"I think I've always known."

"What? Do you remember what you said to me when we first met? The point of this partnership was to keep an eye on me," Itachi frowned, his own irritation lingering under the surface. Kisame threw his head back and laughed. "I don't see how this is funny."

"They've known you were a spy for a while. They just couldn't get any evidence. I haven't noticed anything unusual," Kisame said, an amused grin forming. When Itachi didn't seem to understand, Kisame laughed again. "What can I report to them? We do what we're supposed to be doing. Should I say you only take a little sugar in your tea because you're a tea snob? Should I tell them that you've never joined me in the red light district because you said women 'bore you'?" Embarrassed, Itachi narrowed his eyes, trying to make the man squirm. "I don't think you want to be a spy. I think your village assigned you this task so it didn't look like they were abandoning you."

"Everything I've done, I've done for the good of Konoha," Itachi said, his voice surprisingly soft. He closed his eyes and focused on the ache in his chest. The pain kept him there, in that moment, while he struggled for the right words. "I used to tell myself that I would go back, that I _could_ go back."

"Let's leave the Akatsuki," Kisame decided, always one to analyze and react. Itachi looked at the cloaks they still wore, the red clouds dark smudges in the night. "There's no reason to stay."

"You haven't thought this through. At the end of this, you'll have nothing. Can you walk away with no regrets?"

"Let me make my own decision this time, Itachi."

"What if you decide this was a mistake?"

"What's another mistake between friends?"

**Author's Note:**

> There will be four stories in this series. ❤


End file.
